When relationships break down.

Harmonious relationships with others are really important in our everyday lives.

How do we keep being able to trust to be open, transparent and not guarded and reactive when someone is attacking us through abuse, ridicule or a cheap shot so to speak?

This is something I have been learning about and also getting the reflection back of how it feels to be on the other side of this type of behaviour, hence making me aware of not doing to another ie taking responsibility for whats going on first .

Trust and intimacy go together and if we can’t trust another to be at least decent, caring and respectful etc., it can make it hard to be transparent and intimate with them.

I have been realising and practising to separate the person from the action or behaviour therefore calling out the behaviour and not condemning the person to the hate list and then adding to the drama and disharmony by staring my own personal vendetta back at them through writing them off with name calling and critique.

I have also noticed that by letting our guard down first and then showing our tenderness and vulnerability by simply just being ourselves can give another the opportunity to let down their guard and be themselves. When people don’t feel threatened they relax and then can be themselves.

As most of our unwanted or less desirable behaviours come from the hurts, blame and the shield or protection we can carry, the sheild unfortunately fails to protect and locks us in and creates separation with another. Its like the saying of two wrongs don’t make a right, or to walls next to each other don’t create an open space.

For me learning to detach from who is right and wrong and not accepting abuse, by calling out the behavior has allows me to be able to hold relationship in a decent way even with someone who is choosing to be abusive or looking to create trouble or drama.

So one step at at time and without perfection if I read the situation, and try to observe and not absorb the situation I can avoid going into reaction and exacerbating or adding the the vicious cycle of abuse or he said -she said ,right /wrong , f…you type of behaviour that the world thrives on creating disharmony and more drama.

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