Take back your power over Anxiety

When it comes to gaining control over our anxiety, I want to present the notion that although it may be a part of our experience, I believe it is not who we are at the core. Sometimes it is so overwhelming, it feels like it has its own entity.

So how do we gain back control, when we feel out of control?

In order to rebuild our strength, we must find a way to the root cause. Anxiety is something we deal with or go through when triggered by stress or past traumas, but it is not WHO we are. Remember we are strong, not weak because of how or why we deal with anxiety.

As someone who has experience with anxiety nearly all their life, I can understand how it can feel like an old friend. We all know that creepy or sudden sensation of “its” presence. You may think to yourself “oh, you again…” But along my healing journey, and how I deal with it currently, I have come to a place of taking back my control. A place I hope we all get, and I wish for those struggling right now.

I understand that everyone is on their own journey and am not shaming any method that has and does work for you. I am simply writing this because I use to give all my power away and label my struggles as “MY ED” or “MY Anxiety” etc.

I don’t own it, it doesn’t own to me and I will not give it a name or entity like “Edna”. That being said, and this is an important note, I am not ignoring or pretending that “it” doesn’t exist because “it” does. Perhaps naming it, or giving that entity works for some. Maybe you chat with “it” and say “Hey Edna. Look, I want to have a good day, now you may have your say but I am not letting you take control today” In that context, I can understand. (My overthinking analytical brain likes to see both sides. So in this case, I guess I can relate.)

Stemming on this, something that has worked for me in more ways than one in my life, including anxiety, is an analogy Elizabeth Gilbert talks about in her book Big Magic when discussing “fear” in the creation process. She touched on how fear is always there, and always will be. I’m changing things around a bit and paraphrasing, but the gist of it for this circumstance is; We drive a car (life) and have many passengers with us; perhaps your ED and anxiety sit in the back seat and fear up front, but YOU are always in the driver’s seat. They may all have suggestions or ideas about how things could go, how you could drive better, or which is the best route. It is okay to acknowledge their existence, after all, fear itself stems from our fight or flight mode in order to protect ourselves. But by NO means do we let them take the wheel. They can chat all they want but YOU are the driver. You put your foot on the gas and you path the road ahead to a beautiful and fulfilled life.

See, it’s about taking your control back and taking responsibility for your actions. It may be hard to take at first as you think back to times in your life where you did or said something that felt out of your control, not like you at all, wearing a mask, and in hindsight thought “Well, that was crazy, I can’t believe I did that” I’ve been there, and it’s okay. It is not about feeling down about yourself or judging your past actions. They were all a lesson.

The thing I realised, is that it wasn’t that I did it willingly, but simply the fear, the trigger, or whatever puts that pressure on the wound to generate certain thoughts or actions I wouldn’t do otherwise if in a happy state. This is where we can take our control back by going to the source of the trigger. This can be a painful but beautiful healing process. (I will talk about methods in another post)

By assigning blame for our anxiety, I believe this to be us simply giving our power away along with our steering wheel. Letting anxiety drive. Not just listening and acknowledging, but actually taking their suggestions. Maybe what I am saying sounds counterintuitive as I don’t even want to call them a “them” but in this context, especially for the analogy mentioned above, it can be helpful. Though in reality, there is no “they”…Ya feel?

We are not perfect, things get tough, and thoughts fill our head like paperwork on an unattended desk. We are human and that’s okay. It just depends on what we want to do about it. It’s about attending to that paperwork, aka our past, and traumas….. Ew, I know right?

I’m not saying just get over it…That is not my approach here and never worked for me. But I did take back my power by understanding and acknowledging these elements in my psyche that were developed over time, from trauma and pain. ‘They’ are not me, and ‘they’ are not you. “They” are simply along for the ride, in our car of life. We don’t have to listen to them, we make our own decisions, and by doing so, they talk less, and less…Maybe even fall asleep for a while. When they wake they may want to give you directions, but you can simply look in your back mirror, smile and say, I’ve got a better way, and eventually you barely look back…

Maybe it sounds impossible. I know there were times when I was in a rut and I thought this was it, this is my life, but it wasn’t. I searched for more because I didn’t want that life anymore. That doesn’t make me stronger or wiser than you. I’m not a doctor or a “success story”. I’m simply sharing my experience.

Understand, if you are not in that place yet, that it’s going to be alright if you truly want it to be. I just want others to know that there are coping mechanisms out there. That it is possible and you can manage this. I still lose it sometimes. Lose what I have learnt and get “stuck” in the vicious cycle again, but it’s brief and infrequent now. The second I take my power back, I get back in the driver’s seat I know who is still in the car with me, sometimes it’s not even a car, but a bus filled with all of “them” But guess who has the keys? Me.

And you do too.

I hope this helps even one person struggling at this time. It can be messy, silly, strange, F-ked up, and downright disturbing sometimes. But know that it does get better, all you have to do is keep driving.

Sending you some love, and peace in that beautiful mind of yours.

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